A Writer Writing about Writer's Block

I am a writer, and our enemy #1 has always been writer's block. In fact, it's always been haunting me before and during writing this post. Questions like "what should I write" or "how can I put a certain idea into words?" keeps on running through my mind. Sometimes, I have an idea so big yet so fast, I barely can chase them as I am a very slow writer.

I admit. A lot has happened to me along the 23 years of my existence. But man, it all felt like a trippy, dizzy, blurry fever dream. I barely did recall everything specifically, as if it was all a colorful abstract painting, barely gets anything at surface level, but is also remarkable the more you look more deeper than the lines and colors. It was so much that I can write a 50 chapter novel about it, but at the same time, is so void empty that I can barely write a simple poem verse. But a few things are sure, it was a blast and I went unexpectedly different in different stages of my life.

As I would like to recall it, I would like to have a short recollection of the past few years. But the thing is, it gets harder for me to come up with anything, organize my thoughts or even reevaluate any substance that I could remember. I am a very forgetful person, ironic that I do remember small observations and tiny details while at the same time having trouble remembering simple tasks, reminders, statements, any major thing. I am also a very messy person when it comes to my thought process. They come in like a cluttered pile of office paperwork followed by another pile every 20 minutes before I even begin working on the first. May be evident a lot in my writing. I like to write personally as soon as the thoughts come in. Sometimes I thought of something brilliant, sometimes useless, sometimes nothing, or sometimes both. As a good writing mannerism, I just let it flow and write whatever comes up. A more genuine style and approach, which comes in unfiltered, meaning little to no corrections. I liked writing ever since but I never developed a good writing habit, and it may never be late for that.

I have been interested in writing since I was 13. I grew up with wattpad fanfictions, and even attempted to write one. I did not had enough time to finish it but I just rushed it's ending. I did not liked how it turned out so I completely deleted it. The thing is, it was not basically a fanfic, it's supposed to be an actual short story on itself, but I got into a fandom and they write fanfics, I want to fit in so I changed a few elements to make it a fanfic as well as take it to a personally flattering route. I did not have a copy.  Also add up that studies, family chores, and overall general laziness plus impatience really made me had no time to write, lost my groove, and completely take a quick turn. I had a few more tries to get myself a novel or short story, but man, I had so much expectation to myself and the story itself that I couldn't even finish a first few chapters.

But I just later on discovered that maybe I am in no way a good story writer, or maybe I am doing my storytelling wrong. I need to work on my writing, thought process, patience, and attention span. I should not be so hard on myself when it comes to composing anything.  I have a complex fictional imagination, but I do not have way too much energy and drive to bring it in life. But if given a chance, I still would give it a shot.

I was a good writer at school, more specifically an essayist or journalist. I win essay writing contests, I also get to compete on writing campus news and feature in both elementary and high school. I also found enjoyment on writing more technical and mostly self-expressive. I enjoy being opinionated, describing things, and even sharing my anecdotes of own story, hence I was brought to the world of personal essays. I don't necessarily tell stories but more on describing and doing a commentary over certain events in my life. I was opened to the world of blog when I was 15. I write short personal posts in there, later on went into essays. I am not the best in keeping my old pieces. I always tend to throw away or delete them whenever I get mentally conflicted and unmotivated. I had lots of attempts for blogging and getting myself a platform to get worked up on writing, and quitting the moment I feel demotivated. I just hope that this time isn't it and hopefully I can maintain it and fill it with more writing.

Also, as I was a very expressive being, living in an emotional world, I also coped up writing poetry. I can say that they are also a good form of storytelling. I keep lots of them back then. I write at least a few poems in the middle of a class discussion. Not a care in the world, just me and my passionate poetry. Poetry was fun. I can story tell and play around with words, rhymes, and contexts. I do free form sometimes. I also learned guitar in which I was able to write music as well.

To be fair, I barely like reading. I'm more of a visual auditory learner, hence the love for documentaries, music, movies and YouTube video essays helps in developing a thought process and better writing skills.

Creative blocks are common. It happens to me all the time, and as someone who's a decent percentage of work involves writing and graphics, it sounds something that is there to get me. It's normal, I guess. It's starting to grow on me. And I think that my short attention span also makes them kind of challenging for me to finish anything. That is why I am daring myself to write different things semi-regularly and post them on this blog. Just something to put my creative muscles to work in both personal and professional terms, and maybe ease the pain cause of my mental block.

My writing is more really like a thought-vomit. I write whatever is on my mind, as long as in line to the prompt that I'm up to. It's more of a conversation or telling fun stuff to a friend. Just simply how would I share something to someone. My secret is that I couldn't really care less about structures and organization as it is already a given, as long as it's clean, readable, and I could get my point across, it is fine. It has more on a candid and casual style. It's just that I do this style of writing for me to practice my thoughts and my writing, in which square one, will practice me when it comes to handling writer's block as well as lessen them, making it an easy win.