A pause, A time to rest and reflect. Maybe to gather our scattered pieces and be aware of our pace. A brake for this vigorous engine called life. I feel like everything is fading as everything seems to happen at once.
This is a very fast world, but I am always made believe that there’s no need to match the speed. But I can’t seem to find a way to slow it down. It feels like a never-ending ride without any stops. Aside from that, the more I am in this ‘ride’, the more it gets faster, and more difficult, complicated to the point that I have to catch up on everything and myself all at once.
The thing is, I can no longer see my physical self in this world. I feel like I am just a spirit entity that needs to cater to everything and everyone around. In other words, this need to always thrive on a tight world makes me forget myself and neglecting what I really need such as inner peace and the pampering I deserve. Everything is happening at once, and there’s no way for me to rest.
Maybe I just need a pause and look at myself for a bit.
It has been a while, and boy oh boy that while could get really messy stressful. Working with what I am passionate of could get a bit stressful sometimes, although it doesn’t have to. Sometimes I just think that I’m way doing too great there to the point that I am starting to do more, add up the new tasks that sometimes takes a while before I understand, and such overwhelming workload. Even though, it’s fun, even forgetting myself in the process. Working from home has its good things, as well as the bad sides.
Building a home with a partner totally different than me is a case on itself. Of course, I am happy and in love, but there are times that I wish that he can just turn into a wall for a few hours. An opinionated extrovert could speak nonsense until it either turn to gibberish or a complete stressful concern in my ears. But who am I to stop him from sharing his harmless thoughts?
Finance is complicated for now as well, and realistically speaking, that could get very limiting. I always hated talking about future bills. I feel weak, but that’s for another story.
I wish I could just take a while to put myself in a space to collect my elements.
If I am going to take a further look on how I have been these past few days, to say that “I am fine” is an overstatement, a spliced statement even. One may be fine now, but hell that we know about all the ugly behind such comforting word.
The issues that we deal enough to not talk about, the problems haunting us most of our lives and still in the process of getting over.
I just need to have a break.
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